Posted by: pberry | July 15, 2009

Conversations that shouldn’t happen in public # 1: Abs like a turtle!

Makeesha Fisher made a wish on facebook late last week: Really wish people would refrain from having loud private awkward conversations on their cell phones in public. If we can’t stop them, at least we can laugh at them. This one reminds me a bit of the guys who claim they can get you 15,000 followers on Twitter. Never mind that they only have 30. They can do it for you.

My friends Brian and Lori were at a local coffee shop partaking in overroasted espresso and free wifi. It’s a great place to people watch if you like watching Bible studies. That day, one guy made it kind of hard not to watch.

“I’m talking loudly because I’m getting very excited,” he says into his cell phone. “I’m getting very excited about what I can do for you. That’s why I’m talking loudly. I’m telling you, I’ll hang 20 lbs of pure muscle on you.”

From all appearances, he wouldn’t have struck you as a physical trainer. He was short and stocky; his stomach round and chin doubled. Nothing about him indicates concern for his physical appearance, especially his ragged grey sweats. He looked as though he could certainly lift weight, but would never be mistaken for being “in shape.”

“I’ll give you biceps like coconuts. You’ll have tear-drop calves. You’ll have abs like a turtle.”

The trainer stops his loud talking, presumably listening to his would-be turtle-abed protege. Brian and Lori look at each other, eyes wide, broad smiles slowly creeping over their faces. Brian mouths the words “Abs like a turtle?”

Given the untrained appearance of the trainer, one can only assume the person on the other end of the phone replied, “Why don’t you look that way?”

“Because I was in a car accident you numb-nuts!”

Four years ago, the same guy had approached me in the same coffee shop with the same line. Makes me wonder whether there was a potential turtle-abed client on the phone or he was just hoping someone would overhear how he is an awesome trainer.

Blogged with the Flock Browser


  1. I’m a male model… bulk mail model…

    Sorry, still gassing on Friday night.

  2. havent heard the term “numb-nuts” used probably in years. i guess it hasnt caught on yet in kentucky. if nothing else, thanks for that.

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